Coming back to HIM

I was always the church girl, i loved God, and being so open. But I turned 8 and my Uncle Bill had a tumor in his neck.. the doctors didnt catch it in time..... the cancer spread through the rest of his body, the chemo was the worst he didnt look like the man that i spent every holiday with. He tried everyting.... but nothing was helping. He got worse, he was fading away in front of my eyes. During this period of time, my parents were "coming apart" so we moved from Lancaster, California to Las Vegas, Nevada.
My aunt Carol called my mother and she told her that we need to come back to California to say good bye to my uncle. (And i must say my uncle was the best man i have ever known) We packed up the car and drove the 5 hours to their house. My family was there and i drew him a picture od me and him it wasnt the best but it was what i saw me and him under the blue sunny sky, just like it was the year before. I tried to give him the picture, but it was like he was already gone....He didnt even move.. i remember being so scared to even walk up to him.... but i gave him the picture, that one picture was my sense of hope at 8 years old and it was also my good-bye. We had to go home but my mother stayed. A few days later he passed away and i hated God. I would pray for hours to HIM to heal my uncle but it seem as my uncle got worse the more angrier with God i got. I never understood why God had to take him away, it broke the family aprart.
At the funeral i didnt cry, i couldnt, i just sat there, it didnt feel like he was gone, i thought he was just going to walk into the room and say hello everyone. He never said hello again. A few months after my Uncle passed away and i was going further and further away from God and i was becoming a "braty" child.
My parents "seperated" but evenutally and got back together we moved again. We lived in the new town for a few years, never really went to church, my youth group was full of stoners so i stopped going, by this time, God was the enemy, the one that i would not pray too.
In 2006 my parents divorced. My life ended or so it seemed, They were always fighting, So now i had someone to blame for my parents divorce, God. I thought he runs the earth he couldnt keep my life togther? So became the teen that would to what ever she wanted. and i was only 13. I dated older guys that were 16/17 it didnt matter. I wanted to be the IT girl. My mother tried forcing me to church but i would tell her that i hated her and that i hated God.
During this emtional period my parents dated these weird people but me and my Dad got farther a part pretty soon he was the bad guy and my mother became my best friend. 2007 was the worst year so far, I moved again with both of my parents to a new town. They got back together. We found a new church and i found a new youth group. Redemption youth saved me, im sure of it. I have met wonderful people and i have come to understand that things in life happen for a reason, but still i cry for the uncle i lost, i see his face and wonder will i have here his voice again? I hope i do. i had a dream and i heard it, lets just say it made my day. My parents getting back together is good and bad.
But i found God again, my life isnt over, i have HUGE plans. God worked a miricale in me. And i cant prove it because no one is able to see it, but i feel happy in side, anger is hardly there and if it is its the "teen anger" that we go through, now my goal is to become closer with God and build stronger relationships. I have other stroies of how HE has worked in my life. But this was the one that hit home in my heart. I try to help my family and my community, i pray every night or i try to. I want to be the girl that helps people, i want to be known for being something wonderful and God driven. I hope you read this and understand, how hope and faith has saved me from being "one of those girls"
Thanks for reading
-Shel